How to Reproduce an 'A' in a Child

Has your child ever blacked out in an exam hall even though he was well prepared? Or has he lost a game in dramatic fashion though he was supposedly more skillful than his opponent? Does he perform extremely well in daily work but always below par when it comes to exams? All these are likely signs of performance pressure and stress hindering him from achieving his true potential.

Performance pressure and stress can affect anyone of us. Remember how you fumbled when you met someone attractive while you were still a teen? That’s probably the best way to highlight how performance pressure can make one lose his speech or even his mind. When we become too anxious over outcomes and are fearful of failures, the resulting stress compromises our performance.

John Wooden, widely recognized as the best basketball coach ever, started his career by taking an undistinguished UCLA team that had a 12-13 losing season. He produced an ‘instant turnaround’ when he transformed the faltering team into a Division Champion with a record breaking 22–7 season. He surpassed that number the next season with 24–7 and added a second, third and fourth straight Division Championship. By the end of his career, he has won ten NCAA national championships in a 12-year period while at UCLA, had a record winning streak of 88 games and four perfect 30–0 seasons. What was his secret to success? This was the astonishing philosophy the coach shared:

“Never mention winning. I just want them to be able to hold their head up after a game. When a game is over and you see somebody who didn’t know the outcome, I hope he couldn’t tell by your actions whether you outscored your opponent or your opponent outscored you. That’s what truly matters. If you make your effort to do the best you can regularly, the result is what it should be, not necessarily what you want it to be. That’s what I wanted from them more than anything else. I want the score of the game to be a by-product, not the end in itself. The journey is better than the end.”

Is your child empowered to try his best? Or is he fearful of failing your expectations?

- Written by Leo Hee Khian for Centre for Fathering

Action Pointers…

Your school children are in the exam period in their school now. This can be a stressful time for your child. Take some time to talk to them about their stress, fears worries. Assure them of your support and encourage them during this period.