WHAT DO YOU SAY TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT BULLYING?

Has your child been bullied before? Well, you can almost be sure that he would have been involved in a bullying situation before, even as a bystander. Everyone, including the bystander, has a role to play in shaping how the dynamics of bullying will perpetuate or take shape.

At first glance, bullying seems most straightforward to handle. Haul the bully, punish him, case close. It is often later that the authorities realized that the tension between the bully and the victim remains unresolved by conventional punishment. The bullying simply goes underground and takes on hidden forms to escape the authorities’ detection.

The discerning authority helps by adopting a firm but restorative stance towards the bullies. After all, survey shows that most bullies have been bullied themselves before. No one really empathized with them then, and so they learnt not to empathize with others. This does not mean a condoning stance over the bullies’ crimes, but a partly firm, partly restorative intervention that makes sure that while the severity of consequences are being considered, the bullies are given negotiable chances to make things right with the victim. Most victims also benefit from a mediation session where they face their bullies to share their pent up emotions. This restores the balance of power fairly back to the victim, by the fact that he’s having the last say now. It also allows the bully an opportunity to empathize with the victim and understand the pain he has caused. Success increases with the authority's ability to be absolutely firm, yet empathetically influencing the perpetrator.

The authority then works to shift the 'dynamics' in the classroom. Through a phase by phase strategy, neutral bystanders are empowered and educated to move from being fearful, pro-bully subjects, to be just and courageous to stand up for the bullied. Coupled with continued intervention from the firm authority, the tide changes and the bully loses power and favour.

Our child’s values are built when they see our stand to unfair circumstances around us today. What are you going to teach him about bullying? To stand up for social justice and be counted for the lesser, or to cower in fear or be indifferent?