Child psychologists since Jean Piaget had demonstrated that babies as young as six-week old have the capability of deferred imitation – the mental capacity to store, remember actions or objects, and later, just simply by thinking, are able imitate or act on this knowledge.
By the age of 14 months, the length of time that children are able to remember an action they have observed and then imitate has increased to four weeks or longer. And this ability continues to develop phenomenally, enabling the exponential growth in behaviour and language acquisition. In fact this ability forms the key foundation in the learning and relating abilities of a person whereupon we learn to connect with the world through our Visual (V), Audio (A), and Kinaesthetic (O) sensors.
Educationists have identified that people learn through a combination of the sensors and develop personal preferences to use which sensor more than the others. It’s like being right- or left-handed. Hence there are 3 primary learning styles are broadly drawn as follows: Visual Learner – needs to see the information through graphic representations; Audio Learner – needs to hear the information; and Kinaesthetic Learner – needs to touch and manipulate the information. In all cases, the primary sensor is assisted by the remaining sensors to aid total learning and imitation
Reflection pointers for fathers to consider...
In fathering context, we can remind ourselves the following:
1. That our kids are natural and expert learners by the time they can walk. No one is stupid. We all CAN Learn;
2. That our kids have their own personal unique learning styles and if we can determine that we can then help facilitate their learning experience positively;
3. That we can then connect with our kids on the same wavelength and deepen our relationships with them.
Action pointers for fathers to connect...
Take time to observe and engage your child to determine his/her learning style preference. Visual learner tends to use words connected with seeing e.g., “I see you are right”. Audio learners tend to use words connected to hearing e.g., “That sounds about right”. Kinaesthetic tends to use feeling words e.g., “That feels right!”
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Nature’s Gift to the Nurturing Father
I couldn’t help noticing the confident stride the young father walked into the train with his babe wrapped round his chest in a carrier. The mother followed alongside him with the stroller and all the usual peripherals in it. They sat down and enthusiastically chatted unconscious that they were actually poised in a picture perfect ideal family snap if someone would care to take note.
Significantly this is getting to be a common sight in the malls and trains and more importantly I observed what scientists have noted that fathers of babies often display an aura of “engrossment”. It is the man’s version of his paternal instinct. This engrossment like the maternal instinct is nature’s way to draw the father into caring and nurturing his baby.
This is a very important fact that counters a prevailing myth that men are not nurturers. The truth is that men are often discouraged from tapping into their natural emotions for fear of being ridiculed as un-masculine that we cut ourselves off our nurturing instincts.
Reflection pointers for fathers to consider...
Don’t curb your enthusiasm. Studies also show that if this engrossment is not expressed and engaged, it will die off and the father will find it so much harder to connect and bond with his child. It is therefore critical that couples should make every effort to help fathers, especially first-timers to actively engage in their “engrossment” with their newborn babies. It makes bonding ties so much easier and natural.
Action pointers for fathers to connect...
1. Relax and trust your instincts to care, to hold, to play and to connect with your children in a nurturing way by simply allowing your feelings of engrossment, which often expresses itself as enthusiasm, to surface.
2. Place a photo of your baby/children in your office table or shelf; share your baby/children stories with colleagues and friends. The important thing is to talk about your baby to others, especially men friends.
3. Ask your child to support a charity event by running with him/her on the F1 track. Run, jog or walk hand in hand with him/her, and encourage one other to finished the race. Details below.
I believe that as more and more fathers today give themselves permission to care and nurture their babies and children at home and in public, we will strengthen our families by giving our children the two parent-nurturers they need.
Significantly this is getting to be a common sight in the malls and trains and more importantly I observed what scientists have noted that fathers of babies often display an aura of “engrossment”. It is the man’s version of his paternal instinct. This engrossment like the maternal instinct is nature’s way to draw the father into caring and nurturing his baby.
This is a very important fact that counters a prevailing myth that men are not nurturers. The truth is that men are often discouraged from tapping into their natural emotions for fear of being ridiculed as un-masculine that we cut ourselves off our nurturing instincts.
Reflection pointers for fathers to consider...
Don’t curb your enthusiasm. Studies also show that if this engrossment is not expressed and engaged, it will die off and the father will find it so much harder to connect and bond with his child. It is therefore critical that couples should make every effort to help fathers, especially first-timers to actively engage in their “engrossment” with their newborn babies. It makes bonding ties so much easier and natural.
Action pointers for fathers to connect...
1. Relax and trust your instincts to care, to hold, to play and to connect with your children in a nurturing way by simply allowing your feelings of engrossment, which often expresses itself as enthusiasm, to surface.
2. Place a photo of your baby/children in your office table or shelf; share your baby/children stories with colleagues and friends. The important thing is to talk about your baby to others, especially men friends.
3. Ask your child to support a charity event by running with him/her on the F1 track. Run, jog or walk hand in hand with him/her, and encourage one other to finished the race. Details below.
I believe that as more and more fathers today give themselves permission to care and nurture their babies and children at home and in public, we will strengthen our families by giving our children the two parent-nurturers they need.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Like Father, like child
The terrible twos, the defiant preteen, the rebellious teen etc... Fathering is a journey of ever changing problems. Each one seems to be greater than the next. It seems like it never ends; but that is what it is. Fathering is a lifelong process; even an adult child will come to you for advice every now and then. We try hard to come up with clever solutions, but something that works today may not work tomorrow and even if it does another dilemma will surface.
Let’s step back and look at the big picture. Quick fix solutions will only tide you past that incident. Fathers should work less on the surface issues and pay more attention on the inner self of the child. Good morals, compassionate heart, religious belief and a thoughtful mind. These are some of the strong foundations that can be deeply rooted in your child. How do you teach these values effectively? Besides the obvious way of talking and telling them the right things to do, a more effective method is to walk the talk. Your actions, speech, belief, and emotion will mark your child’s personality. Have you ever noticed how younger children try to emulate the actions of an adult? Throughout the child’s growing years, although not as obviously, he is still looking at you and shaping his inner being according to your likeness. If you want certain traits in your child, you will need to show it first.
With your child armed with these strong foundations, even in the midst of toughest problems, you know that these values will push through eventually. Even in your absence more likely than not he/she will make a discerned decision.
Reflection pointers for fathers to consider...
Name a value that you want to pass on to your children. How are you demonstrating and living out this value in your interaction with your child?
The day to day activities of living present many great teaching moments for you to impart values to your child, e.g like helping mommy to set the table or wash the dishes after the meal, or cleaning the fish tank or the rabbit cage if you have pets at home.
Action pointers for fathers to connect...
1. Ask your wife what is one value she wants to pass on to the children. Ask her how you can help to demonstrate that value at home and in your interaction with the children.
2. Tell your children about a difficult time in your school life, how it impacted your life and how you find strength to carry on in the difficult times.
Let’s step back and look at the big picture. Quick fix solutions will only tide you past that incident. Fathers should work less on the surface issues and pay more attention on the inner self of the child. Good morals, compassionate heart, religious belief and a thoughtful mind. These are some of the strong foundations that can be deeply rooted in your child. How do you teach these values effectively? Besides the obvious way of talking and telling them the right things to do, a more effective method is to walk the talk. Your actions, speech, belief, and emotion will mark your child’s personality. Have you ever noticed how younger children try to emulate the actions of an adult? Throughout the child’s growing years, although not as obviously, he is still looking at you and shaping his inner being according to your likeness. If you want certain traits in your child, you will need to show it first.
With your child armed with these strong foundations, even in the midst of toughest problems, you know that these values will push through eventually. Even in your absence more likely than not he/she will make a discerned decision.
Reflection pointers for fathers to consider...
Name a value that you want to pass on to your children. How are you demonstrating and living out this value in your interaction with your child?
The day to day activities of living present many great teaching moments for you to impart values to your child, e.g like helping mommy to set the table or wash the dishes after the meal, or cleaning the fish tank or the rabbit cage if you have pets at home.
Action pointers for fathers to connect...
1. Ask your wife what is one value she wants to pass on to the children. Ask her how you can help to demonstrate that value at home and in your interaction with the children.
2. Tell your children about a difficult time in your school life, how it impacted your life and how you find strength to carry on in the difficult times.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Have you ever hugged your father
Every one of us has a father. Some lost their fathers even before they were born.
I have a father and I wish that I have a closer relationship with him. May be I had a girlfriend too early. So I wasn’t home most of the time. Perhaps I left home too early for further studies.
If you have a choice – what kind of father do you want? Do you really need a father?
My father is a good man. He worked hard and provided for the family. I have no lack in my life.
He is a man of few words. I never know what he thinks about me. I have no idea what he feels about me. I am sure he loves me but I can’t feel his love.
I have been carrying this wound in my heart that never seems to go away….
Do you have an emotionally distant father like me?
I wonder why I strive so much in life. I learned from experienced counselors that I may be seeking affirmation in my life. There is this unceasing desire to have a mentor in my life. Whenever I see a learned wise man, I have an urge to ask him to be my mentor.
Could this be because I am seeking for my father's love?
Abraham Maslow is wrong. The need to be well-fathered is the fundamental need of the human heart. I am not an orphan. But I feel emotionally detached from my father. I never know if my father loves me as a son. I tried to recall an occasion when my father played with me or when he hugged me and told me how much he loves me.
None came to my mind.
My father -
What do you think about me?
Am I precious in your eyes?
Am I a special child?
Do I have a part in your heart?
Have you ever sing over me like I sing over my baby?
Remember - I am your firstborn
Do you have any feelings towards me?
Do you really love me?
Father me
A thought came
My dad himself may not be well-fathered
He left his dad for studies when he was just a teen.
Then I heard a voice from above
Go hug your father
I have never done this before
Seemed strange
What would my dad think of me?
Will I be accepted?
I did it anyway
And I have not stopped hugging my dad since
Have you ever hugged your dad?
You need to hold him tight
‘cos few men know how to embrace their child…
I have a father and I wish that I have a closer relationship with him. May be I had a girlfriend too early. So I wasn’t home most of the time. Perhaps I left home too early for further studies.
If you have a choice – what kind of father do you want? Do you really need a father?
My father is a good man. He worked hard and provided for the family. I have no lack in my life.
He is a man of few words. I never know what he thinks about me. I have no idea what he feels about me. I am sure he loves me but I can’t feel his love.
I have been carrying this wound in my heart that never seems to go away….
Do you have an emotionally distant father like me?
I wonder why I strive so much in life. I learned from experienced counselors that I may be seeking affirmation in my life. There is this unceasing desire to have a mentor in my life. Whenever I see a learned wise man, I have an urge to ask him to be my mentor.
Could this be because I am seeking for my father's love?
Abraham Maslow is wrong. The need to be well-fathered is the fundamental need of the human heart. I am not an orphan. But I feel emotionally detached from my father. I never know if my father loves me as a son. I tried to recall an occasion when my father played with me or when he hugged me and told me how much he loves me.
None came to my mind.
My father -
What do you think about me?
Am I precious in your eyes?
Am I a special child?
Do I have a part in your heart?
Have you ever sing over me like I sing over my baby?
Remember - I am your firstborn
Do you have any feelings towards me?
Do you really love me?
Father me
A thought came
My dad himself may not be well-fathered
He left his dad for studies when he was just a teen.
Then I heard a voice from above
Go hug your father
I have never done this before
Seemed strange
What would my dad think of me?
Will I be accepted?
I did it anyway
And I have not stopped hugging my dad since
Have you ever hugged your dad?
You need to hold him tight
‘cos few men know how to embrace their child…
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