DAD'S TIPS ON HANDLING TEENS

TIPS FOR FATHERS IN HANDLING TEENS

Effective communications begin with our self-awareness. When we are self-aware, we are able to listen with openness and appreciation.

Most teen complaints are about their parents not listening to them. It’s not that parents don’t care but teens feel that their parents don’t LISTEN for meaning. They feel misunderstood for lack of effort by their parents on this front.

The reason is that often parents have not changed their style to match their children’s progress. Parents have to provide total care beginning from the child’s infancy stage. Then puberty begins and the child is developing rather quietly into a more mature phase of development which requires a new parenting approach, as the child now seeks to develop his/her own identity. Much of the angst and rebellion of teenagers arise not because they reject their parents or are ungrateful - but stem from their need to move beyond being young children to prepare for full adulthood.

It is at this stage that the father really comes to the fore, as he models for his teen how to struggle with the internal chaos of intra-transformation to match the external world’s expectations. This is where the “distance” of the father comes into focus as the teen learns to attach in relationships with a healthy sense of self.

Here fathers can help their teens, as they:
1) Seek to Encourage. Your teen is struggling with peer pressure – big time. She will need a trusted guide. Fathers need to shift from play-mate to mentor-coach.
2) Clarify, clarify, clarify. Avoid assuming you know what your teen is going through. You tend to jump in and rescue, solve problems. Remember, your teen is no longer a child. Se needs to work through the problem herself. The process is necessary for her maturity as she learns to be resilient.
3) Stay Patient. Don’t panic. Parents are their children’s safety nets. But excessive parental fears can make them become prevention nets which leave their children no room to learn from mistakes or worse, no incentive to make their own effort.
4) Have fun. Relax and enjoy the adventures of your teen’s explorations. Smile a lot.