QUALITY Time

Have you ever wondered what quality time is and how we can make it happen especially in the context of parenting?

Two indispensable elements that build “quality” in our time spent with our children are: availability and attentiveness.

Availability
Have you ever come across a boss whose door is always closed and whose lights are out? The impression given is that he is simply too busy. It is the same with the home. Many a father is physically unavailable - so busy at work that their children can even defend their absence. But in today’s techno world of instant-connectivity the father has to come clean and remove this myth from his children. There is no excuse: fathers choose either work first or family first.

I know of a father who holds down three jobs to make ends meet, but makes time for the family through phone calls and Sunday-night dinners. The point is that his children know he is breaking his back for them and they appreciate even more that he still makes his presence felt despite not being physically at home.

Attentiveness
Have you ever come across a boss whose door is always open and who always claims that he is available but people hardly go in to see him? An “open door” is really useless when the person inside the room is not really interested in people. The key to attentiveness is to focus on the person given the time allocated, just like a laser beam. I once read that Bill Clinton was considered charismatic because he made a person feel as if he was the only person in the room when Clinton was talking to him.

One way to start practicing attentiveness with your children is to always look into their eyes when you have a conversation with them. Make sure that all other distractions are removed. I always make it a habit to give the person who is physically with me, the priority over any phone calls. Fathers come to our bonding workshops with their children and spend time on their handphones – what message do you think their children are receiving?