The pursuit of happiness has become the biggest obstacle to guilt-free parenting today.
Too many parents have translated the pursuit of happiness to mean that they must have happy kids. In short, happy kids make happy parents. Of course there is some validity to this. The problem arises when "happy" means instant gratification. But the real twist is that parents feel guilty when they do not feed this desire for instant gratification (which has been mistaken for a yearning for happiness).
So like a programmed robot, some parents respond to "unhappy kids” (read “kids activating their appetite for instant gratification”) by sticking something into their mouths, their hands, their ears, their eyes, their bodies (e.g. tattoos). Otherwise, these parents blame themselves and suffer the whack of the big "G" (Guilt) - a gigantic doze of a gut-wrenching, bad feeling.
A teenager once told me, "I only want to do what I like." I asked him, "What about your responsibilities? Who pays for your pleasures?" He gave me a blank look. Not surprisingly, I met his parents and noticed that they absolutely doted on him.
Guilt-laden parenting is damaging to our kids. For one thing it leads to impulsivity as children do not know how to delay their appetites. This often leads to aggression and in extreme cases, even violence. It also leads to children not learning how to do things for themselves, and therefore having no sense of self-worth or self-care.
We need to stop the spiral of guilt-laden parenting. Firstly, happy children do not necessary mean healthy children. Secondly, true happiness is based on a solid grounding of truth and character. Thirdly, given the above, parenting is about helping our children negotiate healthily through developmental stages, so that they may mature fully as unique individuals, able to contribute to the life of the Universe. Parenting is not about reducing the entire Universe and all of life into the gratification of a child.
If we want our children to succeed in life, we need to help them find their role and responsibility for the greater whole of life. After all, no man is an island unto himself. For this to happen, we need guilt-free parents who dare to discipline, guide, lead and model for their children the truth that true happiness is beyond instant gratification.
Too many parents have translated the pursuit of happiness to mean that they must have happy kids. In short, happy kids make happy parents. Of course there is some validity to this. The problem arises when "happy" means instant gratification. But the real twist is that parents feel guilty when they do not feed this desire for instant gratification (which has been mistaken for a yearning for happiness).
So like a programmed robot, some parents respond to "unhappy kids” (read “kids activating their appetite for instant gratification”) by sticking something into their mouths, their hands, their ears, their eyes, their bodies (e.g. tattoos). Otherwise, these parents blame themselves and suffer the whack of the big "G" (Guilt) - a gigantic doze of a gut-wrenching, bad feeling.
A teenager once told me, "I only want to do what I like." I asked him, "What about your responsibilities? Who pays for your pleasures?" He gave me a blank look. Not surprisingly, I met his parents and noticed that they absolutely doted on him.
Guilt-laden parenting is damaging to our kids. For one thing it leads to impulsivity as children do not know how to delay their appetites. This often leads to aggression and in extreme cases, even violence. It also leads to children not learning how to do things for themselves, and therefore having no sense of self-worth or self-care.
We need to stop the spiral of guilt-laden parenting. Firstly, happy children do not necessary mean healthy children. Secondly, true happiness is based on a solid grounding of truth and character. Thirdly, given the above, parenting is about helping our children negotiate healthily through developmental stages, so that they may mature fully as unique individuals, able to contribute to the life of the Universe. Parenting is not about reducing the entire Universe and all of life into the gratification of a child.
If we want our children to succeed in life, we need to help them find their role and responsibility for the greater whole of life. After all, no man is an island unto himself. For this to happen, we need guilt-free parents who dare to discipline, guide, lead and model for their children the truth that true happiness is beyond instant gratification.
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